These are African men, WELCOME to Africa. In African cultures, the concept of respect within marriage often encompasses traditional values, gender roles, and societal expectations. You know, most women still battle to understand what an African man terms “respect”. With an average African man, especially here in Nigeria, our Husbands’ definition of respect is until you live with them and learn by yourself before you can understand what respect means. Oyibo man, kind of Respect is way different from an average African man. Here are some aspects of respect that African husbands may understand:
- Submission and Obedience: In many traditional African societies, there is an expectation for wives to show respect through obedience and submission to their husbands. This can involve deferring to the husband’s decisions and prioritizing his needs and preferences. Guess what, You do NOT suggest anyhow in his discussions without asking if it’s ok for you as a wife to give a suggestion. You are a good and respectful woman when you do this.
- Cultural and Family Honor: Respect for the husband often extends to respecting his family, elders, and cultural traditions. Wives may be expected to uphold the family’s honor and reputation through their actions and behavior. Yes, when you marry your man, here in Africa, you must marry his family first in terms of respect and huge honor.
- Domestic Duties: Traditional gender roles may dictate that wives are primarily responsible for domestic tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and childcare. Fulfilling these duties diligently is often seen as a sign of respect for the husband’s role as provider and protector of the family.
- Support and Encouragement: Respect also involves supporting the husband in his endeavors and providing emotional encouragement. This can include being a source of motivation during challenging times and celebrating his successes. when other people mock him for his low achievement, make sure as a wife you are his motivator or pastor or whatever under the bracket of encouragement.
- Communication and Conflict Resolution: Respectful communication is important in African marriages, with husbands expecting their wives to express themselves respectfully and avoid confrontational behavior. Never point at your husband when angered and expressing yourself in public. Never speak to him outside when angered until in a closet or room then you can make him understand how bad you feel. Conflict resolution may involve seeking advice from elders or community leaders to maintain harmony within the marriage.
- Preservation of Dignity: Respecting the husband’s dignity and reputation is crucial, which may involve refraining from behaviors that could embarrass or undermine him in public or within the family circle.
- Cultural and Religious Observances: Many African husbands may expect their wives to participate in cultural or religious rituals and ceremonies that uphold traditional values and beliefs. Respecting these customs is often seen as a form of respect for the husband’s cultural heritage.
- Financially Pipe Low: As a woman even when you are the highest income earner in the marriage you must never act as it is. He decides how the money is to be spent with little of your suggestions as a spouse. You must never be egoistic about this income as a spouse. he considers the woman respectful and worthy to be with for a long time.
- Speak until HE is done: Yes I remember this never speak when he speaks and in your words, you must be choosy. never speak at random. Don’t insult him when talking in an argument, he sees it as a Taboo.
Most of this I never knew as an average African wife until I learned in my marriage. I enjoyed the learning procedures because I believe in experience and I believe what I learned myself.
Some of those times come with heavy arguments that were never funny. But I scaled through and now have the privilege to pass this information to other women who happen to find themselves in a marriage with an African man.
It’s important to recognize that African cultures are diverse, and the expectations of respect within marriage can vary widely depending on factors such as ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic status. Additionally, attitudes towards gender roles and marriage dynamics are evolving in many African societies, with greater emphasis placed on mutual respect, partnership, and equality within marriages.
